There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
