she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You need a sexual gate keeper
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
