Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
