and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
