This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
