my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize