Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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