Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
