ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh god it's open bar.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
