I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
