how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
