There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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