508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
