he thought i was a dude.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I party with great urgency now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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