Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
