I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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