he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
