dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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