Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i would punch a child for taco bell
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
