think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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