We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
