someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
