i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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