Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
