you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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