1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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