Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
