Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
