I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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