Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
