I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
