i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just threw up on my dentist
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
