I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
