Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
