M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
