If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
