i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
