drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am available for nakedness
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
