Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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