Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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