she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
