; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
