Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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