I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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