getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
