i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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