i think i have two assholes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
