She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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