sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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