Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
