It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
