i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
