We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize