I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize