i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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