i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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