I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
