found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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