Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
