Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
