mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
