i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
