My first STD was from a foam party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
